It
will take one Trump to proclaim himself the greatest light bulb changer of all
time: “It’s going to be great, folks. There will be light like you’ve never had
it before. Really fantastic light. Just wait and see. No one has ever changed a
light bulb like I’m gonna change a light bulb! Trust me!”
It
will take another Trump to denounce and insult all previous and rival light bulb
changers: “They’re all phonies and liars and crooks. They’ve been bringing you fake
light. They’re horrible people. But now I’m here, and you’ve never seen light
bulb changing like I’m gonna show you!”
A
third Trump will be needed to berate anyone who would dare suggest that his previous
experience (tying his shoelaces, using a fork, walking, dressing himself,
choosing barbers, etc.) ill prepares him to change light bulbs: “I’m very, very
talented. I’m going to do an amazing job. I know more about changing light
bulbs than professional light bulb changers. Because, you know, I’m very smart.
And I’m a winner!”
Another
Trump will be called upon to deny multiple failures during his years of tying
his own shoe laces: “It’s absolutely untrue that I once tied the laces from my
right shoe to the laces of my left shoe, causing me to fall flat on my face as
soon as I stood up. But if I did, it was probably for a good reason.”
Yet another
Trump will be required to dodge scandals about behavior inappropriate to light bulb
changers: “No, I have never, ever changed a battery. Not a cell phone battery,
or the battery in the smoke detector, or even a flashlight battery. Anyone who
says so is a liar. I’ve never tried to change a battery and I would never think
about trying to change a battery. But if I did change a battery, I’d be the
best battery changer ever!
Finally,
at least one more Trump will be needed to ramp up fear about the horrific
darkness that will descend if he and he alone doesn’t change the light bulb: “It
would be a disaster! People would die! The world would come to an end if I, and
only I – remember, I’ll the only one who’s qualified – didn’t change the light
bulb. It would be soooo bad, you wouldn’t believe it! But that’s not gonna
happen. Because I’ve been elected – in a landslide – to change the light bulb.
And when I do, IT IS GOING TO BE LIGHT AGAIN!”
Oh,
one more. There has to be a Trump to buy the lightbulb from another Trump, who
will make the light bulb (in China), through Trump the middle man, at enormous
profit to all: “But it’ll be the best light bulb that money can buy!”
I’ve
lost track. But eventually we will come to the Trump who does the actual
screwing. And America will see the light.
Because,
of course this would all be merely a theoretical exercise, but for the fact
that some sixty-two million Americans decided that one Donald J. Trump was just
the person to bring America back into that light. (And despite the fact that sixty-five million were convinced that he was not)
Which
brings this levity to where it takes a sorrowful turn. Because sixty-two million
of our fellow citizens decided that running the country that leads the world
was probably no more difficult and required hardly more wisdom, skill,
maturity, humility, self-awareness, respect for facts, consideration for others
– in short, INTEGRITY – than it takes to change a light bulb.
They
were mistaken.
The irony
is that, all along, the sky has been brightening. Slowly but steadily, America
has been moving toward its promise. There’s been an effort to intentionally
overlook how truly dark America was eight years ago. Absurd claims are made
that America has descended from something that was better over the last eight
years, that we’ve fallen from an imaginary 2008 in which we enjoyed the higher
regard of the world, and greater prosperity and safety at home. But even the
resurgence of race as an issue doesn’t reflect something new, but rather
something old and festering that is now coming into view under a brighter
light. But sadly, in Trump, America has reached for the light switch, and is
pulling the shades against the sun.
Good luck with that light
bulb, Mr. Trump. Be prepared for a period of darkness, America. May it be oh so
brief.
I think that your a terrific weiter with as compelling narrative. Like "Cassandara" of old though, you proclaim a truth that no one will hear. It is a curse to be the one proclaimimg an accurate picture of present and future realitiies and have to stand by and watch people ignore your insight.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Toby. Yes, Cassandra. If you haven't, check out Michael Moore's prediction a few months back, that Trump would win, and why.
DeleteAlex always thought Trump would win . . . not necessarily for anything meritorious, but because he'd proved himself to be of the species 'shrewd and successful businessmen'...many of whom are not at all deserving of the praise heaped upon them. I never liked the man from the get go, for reasons known too well to many of us and do not bear repeating. As well, the American electoral system did not help in making sure Trump lost the election...
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your witty and succinct diatribe, Kirby, and appreciate where you are coming from...unfortunately, unless there is a chance of impeachment, the US, and the world, must deal with Trump...and unfortunately todays light bulbs promise to burn indefinitely...)
Alex's response:
Having lived through fascism and communism in my youth nothing in the present day America can make me concerned about the future of the Mankind. The Universe unfolds as it should. The World needs a Trump at the present time. If you are an American who believes in all the fairy stories of the America past then I can understand why you would be upset with Trump as a president. However you should realize that American presidents are not dictators. There are checks and balances in the system. The problem is the alarmist Media.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAlas, I think we've learned that all it takes is one Trump to do all these things. Thanks for the nightmares of a multi-Trump situation, though.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to figure out how exactly all this happened, as it flies in the face of my belief that humans are, overall, good. My best attempt at reconciling this is that even though people know that he lies (not even clever lies, either), is racist (and proud of it), and sexist (unapologetic, too), people simply like the idea of having the bully fighting on their side rather than against them.
If that doesn't make any sense to you, then... well yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Minor thing but the image seems to be broken :-)
ReplyDeletegreat writing Kirby , so pleasure to read and scary....... thank you
ReplyDelete