Derby Story

I have a new hat. A derby, which is a hat with a lot of personality. And it’s added something to my life. An accent, an opening, a challenge? All three and more. I didn’t know how much I’d wear it, but I took it out of the bag as we left the store and I’ve worn it almost every day since. 

The hat makes people take notice, and that gives me the desire to wear it, and a competing desire not to. It’s one of those swords that cuts multiple ways. Because it grabs people’s attention and declares that there’s something special, or fun or interesting going on. And I don’t necessarily feel prepared to live up to that.

When I first started getting the extra attention, it caught me off guard, and I often turned away from it, avoiding eye contact, not acknowledging the looks. It was like when someone mistakes you for someone else. They call out, they break into a loud smile, and you know you aren't who they think you are. To avoid the embarrassment, I was pretending not to notice them noticing.

But I didn’t avoid eye contact for very long, because it didn’t reflect what I really felt. I love this hat. I love how it feels and how it makes me feel. And how is that? Proper is one word. I feel proper in my hat. Cool and comfortable and just right. Not cool as in hip, though some people take it for a hipster’s hat. It doesn’t make me feel ‘with it’. It makes me feel like I’m in just the right place and have everything I need.

And so, feeling that, I started to relax and smile. I figure that the good feeling might just translate, it might communicate. After all, it makes me feel good to see someone wearing something unusual that I like. As I started to smile more, people started to speak to me. “Nice hat”, “Love that hat”, ‘What a cool hat’. ‘I haven’t seen a hat like that in years!’ And sometimes, a little conversation followed. Where did I get it. Where can they get one. Is it a bowler or a derby….. 

And a lot of people would say, “I couldn’t pull off wearing a hat like that.” Which of course I understand, because that’s the story of the first few paragraphs. A hat like that is something you feel you have to live up to. There are expectations that go with it.

But after awhile, as I became more comfortable with my derby, as I wore it day after day, I spoke to them about how it felt to wear it. I told them, “Of course, you can pull it off. You don’t have to sell the hat. The hat is gonna sell you. All you have to do is be yourself. And smile.” Which is curiously true.

I never bought into the notion that ‘the clothes make the man’. And I don't get fashion at all. But my derby makes it clear to me that, not only does what I wear affect how others see me, it affects how see myself. I can’t deny it. In my derby, I feel like an accented me. I feel like I’m presenting something of myself, rather than hiding in my anonymity. It’s a way of being more personal with the world.

I get compliments on the derby almost every day . And quite a few curious or friendly looks, nods and smiles. It’s even drawn a snicker or two; can't ever please all the critics, I guess. But that's only a small annoyance. And worth it to break through some of the stranger-to-stranger iciness in this city I so love.