My First Day of Independence (Retirement)

… is today.

So interesting to wake this morning with the understanding that, though it’s a weekday, I’m not late for anything. I don’t have to go anywhere. My time is mine, to fill as I choose. And though I have definite plans, there remains so much choosing to do. 35 hours a week is a lot of extra time to fill.

And this isn’t like a vacation or leave. If it were I’d be leaning toward indulgences, like staying up late, travelling, eating desserts and spending money I normally wouldn’t allow myself. This is potentially a permanent situation I’ve landed in. So my approach to it needs to be of a different nature. I’m looking to establish a new way to live. But my focus doesn’t have to be primarily on earning a living, because I’ve already done that part, and I’ll continue to get paid. Not nearly as much as before, but enough.

What a concept this retirement deal is! Whoever thought of it should get a Nobel prize!

It’s a sweet feeling, with only the merest tinge of bitterness. And that little, tangy bit has almost entirely to do with what was not done, ventured, accomplished, rather than what was lived. Such is the nature of regret, I continue to learn. Much more about what didn’t happen than about what did.

I will allow myself as gradual and as stress-free a progression into retirement as possible. But I’m determined that from this very first day, my time reflects my goals, values and priorities. I’ll be writing today. I’ll be ordering my space. I’ll be going to the gym for the first time in awhile. I’ll consciously reflect on things I’m grateful for. I’ll meditate. I’ll spend good time with my Bardzo. And I will limit my screen time!

It’s almost pure chance that my first day of retirement is Independence day. I guess it’s merely for bookkeeping purposes that the City recommends that one’s final day be the last in a month. I chose the end of June. Then, since I also decided to save all my vacation time, and to be paid for it, I realized that I’d might as well tack it on after that last day, to extend my benefits another month. Having 4 weeks coming, my last day would become the end of July. But when I went to HR to finalize arrangements, the consultant pointed out that I fell two days short. I would have to work 2 days into the new month for it to balance out.

The 1^st of July was Canada’s national holiday, so an automatic day off. So, my two days would fall on the 2^nd and 3^rd. Which meant that – TA-DA! – my first day of liberation fell on the 4^th of July! Independence Day! Today!

I love the coincidence and the symbolism of that. It strikes me as a great omen, confirming for me that I’m making the right Life move at the right time.

Not that such signs always hold, I remind myself. When I married the first time, I put together the numbers representing our birthdays, the days we met and married, etc. to devise a set of numbers for playing the Lotto. And we won cash money each of the FIRST THREE TIMES we played those numbers! Surely a sign that our impulsive, hormone-fueled decision to marry, and for me to relocate to Toronto from Seattle, was a decision endorsed by the Universe.

But it didn’t prove so. We laughed and fought through ten tumultuous years, but it all came to an end. And looking back, it’s apparent that there was another aspect of those winning tickets that I ought to have paid attention to. Namely, that each win was for about half the money of the previous win. Maybe the signs were true enough, and I just didn’t examine them closely enough.

But I ran with the wonderful metaphor on this 1^st Independent Day, and I made the most of it. Years ago Ponczka got me to observe what I guess is a Polish tradition or bit of folk wisdom. On the first day of the New Year, it’s important to include all those things one wants the year to be full of, and to be sure not to do the things one wants none of. So crucial to have sex, but no arguments.

And today, I acted accordingly. I ate well, I did some reading. I went to the gym, I rode my bike. I meditated. I spent time with Ponczka. And I wrote! And yes, I even limited my television viewing. It’s bound to be a most excellent year.

Another thing that stands out for me is that, just as yesterday represented a kind of goodbye to Toronto, because after more than twenty-five years, I’ll no longer spend the bulk of my waking life there, today represents the start of getting to know the Hammer.

We’ve lived here for three and a half years, and I’m very fond of this smallish City. But I haven’t gotten to experience it fully. A new connection has begun to develop already. Walking through Jackson Square in the afternoon, and biking through the downtown and the near eastside, I definitely felt connected in a way I rarely have before. I was taking my time, free of any pressure to do any particular thing by any particular when. Wow! Yes, this retirement business is going to suit me just fine!