Solitary After Party

              I love time alone. But being a loner is not an isolated characteristic/dimension, and from a broad perspective, loners aren’t that much different than their opposites, the sociable and gregarious folks. We all inhabit a fairly narrow range on the broad continuum of sociability. And we humans lean more toward the collective end of the spectrum. Vert few of us stay detached from the social web.

             So though I’m a loner, connections with others make up a large part of my day and of my life, and I wouldn’t survive without them – and that’s speaking literally, metaphorically and anthropologically.

              I love my time by myself, but I've noticed that the very best of such times immediately follow connection to loved others: to wife, friend, brother, family or team. I’m experiencing one of those heightened periods of aloneness now, and it flows directly out of the Christmas party we had last night. Ponczka is having a long, deep, recuperative sleep, and I'm slowly restoring order to the quiet house. And I feel wonderful!

              A party is a dense environment. It can feel charged and overloaded, especially as so much of my time these days is spent by myself, between my ears, and on the computer. And parties aren’t easy. They take work. They both stimulate and tire me. And because I also value one-on-one contacts, and like to push them into the personal and the deep, a good party can serve up a whole array of thoughtful, heartfelt, connecting exchanges with people, and leave me depleted.

              Which sets the table for a well-earned, replenishing withdrawal. The space of time right after a gathering, or a meeting with a loved one can feel amazingly liberating and yet leave me with a sense of deep connectedness in my solitude. 

              Sure, it’s the actual time with others that nourishes, that’s the engine and the creative force in the relationship. But afterward, I can savor. Some of the savoring comes through memory and re-living. But its greatest force is in the imprint on my spirit, on my being and even on my body. My experience with meditation has demonstrated that my mental energy impacts my body directly and tangibly. While it’s a leap, I also believe that this effect carries outside of the body: That who or what I think about is touched by me. And whoever thinks of me, also touches me. I think that such connection is always reciprocal to some degree, even when we aren't aware. In a way, it's similar to the fact of taking into myself molecules of whatever I smell, and leaving traces of myself on whoever or whatever I touch. 

              So after interactions with loved ones, I’m filled by their energy and love, in a very tangible and physical way. And they may be similarly touched by me. And that makes these alone times among the richest and most valued of my life.