Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Let's See What I'll Do

I'm on the edge of a new life. A choice I will make today will change me and the world I live in, forever. And I don't know what decision I'll make. I'll try my best to look down the various roads and anticipate all the consequences of what I decide. Some effects seem so clear. But how many times before have I been sure of how a thing would turn out, only to be surprised by life?
But this ignorance is liberating. The most creative thing possible.

We want to live in Paris for a year. And in New York too. And we'd like to buy a crumbling old school building up on Cape Croker, and haul up the boat and start an artists retreat. And we saw the perfect place on Queen Street, for a restaurant where our specialties will include chili and waffles. And lately, I even dream of returning to Detroit, to be a part of its re-making.

Sometimes I get a feel to walk or bike home a particular way. There are many ways. I can take the Bloor Viaduct to the Danforth, then come down Jones or Broadview, for the view. Or, I can angle up to Rosedale Valley road and feel almost that I'm away from the city for two kilometres. Or down Church to cross on College and Carlton, or Queen, or even along the waterfront. Sometimes I feel I ought to go a particular way, and when I have that feeling, I'm on the lookout for some chance meeting or unusual circumstance. And I always get it. I'll stumble on a favorite colleague from three jobs ago, or a woman I once flirted with. Or, there'll be a new storefront, with a poster for an event I'll decide right then I want to attend. Or I'll stop for coffee somewhere and have a conversation with the bored server about the book she's reading or the school we both attended.

I don't really believe that anything is accidental. So I try sometimes, with my friends, with myself, to understand that none of the many particulars of how we dress and speak and hold our fork, the movies we go to, the people we get involved with, the work that seems to claim us - none of it is accident, mere chance. Every bit of it was chosen; not always by us, but chosen. And our becoming who we are is like a dance with cause and effect that begins before our first unsteady step.

No day that is like any other; no step that is like another step.
Endless opportunities for re-creating the World.

1 comment:

  1. Life is a journey with a beginning and an end. It is good to keep your eyes open and notice the space you fill as you go. There may be better ahead--Paris, New York, heaven--but more and more I crave the imminence of the here and now.