Reckoning My Days

I love this transition I’m experiencing. Retirement is part of it, but only a part. It’s very substantial in that it has given me time, by taking that time out of pursuits I’d grown tired of, in which I could no longer meaningfully invest myself, and from which I could draw little inspiration.

I’m trying to re-create myself, as a former client described his path after finally acquiring decent housing after fourteen years on the street. My transformation may not be that drastic, but then again, it may.

The old has fallen away quickly and easily. I don’t ‘miss’ any of it. Not yet, anyway. The other morning, I awoke at 6:00 am, and lying in bed, I recalled that just a few weeks ago this was my standard, and a necessary one. Whenever I deviated from it by sleeping in, I paid for it by having to working late.

These days, I’m routinely sleeping until 10 and staying up past 2, and it causes no stress. I start my days according to how I work myself into them, and there’s only a very loose structure. But the main thing I’m finding is simply that there is time. If I get to a particular task two hours later than I’d intended, it doesn’t much matter. There is still time to get to it and to everything else I choose to take on in a given day.

I’m very grateful that I had a practice retirement a bit more than a year before commencing the real thing. It made me aware of this very fundamental difference in the structure and pacing of my days, so that I haven’t been disoriented.

One of the things I did during my practice retirement, that I’m duplicating this time around, is a fitness regimen. Both then and now, I went to the gym on my very first day off, and I’ve made it a point to have a good, thorough work out every other day, supplemented by walks and bike rides. And, as I did then, I’m feeling so much fitter and energized for it. There just wasn’t time to persist in this once I went back to work.

Something I thought I needed last time around, but never managed to put in place is a schedule. And lacking that, though I managed to be active, I never felt that my activity was as regular and focused as I needed it to be.

This time around, I’ve approached it from a different angle. Instead of aiming at structure, I’m focusing on awareness, by documenting my time every day. And the simple act of keeping track of time spent writing, meditating, exercising, watching television, reading and walking, as well as tasks to do and done, and contacts made, has created as much structure as I appear to need. Looking over what I did yesterday and the day before immediately generates motivation to be active again today.

Motivation also comes from the accumulation of results. I’ve gotten through about three books in these three weeks. I’ve lost close to ten pounds, and I’ve bridged one of the biggest gaps in my novel manuscript. And lots of little things around the house and throughout my life are slowly coming into order. This time has been a beautiful confirmation of the “One Day at a Time” approach.

I have such a sense of gratitude.  It's quite a gift to wake up each day and to feel totally empowered to participate in Life on my own terms. I wish that everyone could experience this.